Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Betting on a Pair Never Before Such a Sure Thing

Gambling and boobs. A pairing so perfect that it's insertion into mainstream society might serve as a sign that 2012 WILL really usher us into an elevated paradigm of consciousness, a new age of reason.

Yesterday, genius corporate franchisees Altium Development Group announced their winning hand by offering card tables at Pacific Northwest-area Hooters. As a longtime Hooters customer (ahem, they play three matches at once during the World Cup), I can attest to wishing I could play a little Hold 'Em on occasion.

There is some dillution to the brand, by having distractions like a "dueling piano bar" but Altium snaps the focus back with luridly suggestive menu item, "Hand Wiches" (I'm not making this up), offering players having a rough time at the tables the hope of a happy ending. The logical extension of this is of course, private dining for one in the "Stud" room, with appetizers like the "Double Down" for $100, and for an extra $200 service charge, the "Royal Flush" for dessert.

God bless America.


fullcoat said...

Alternate blog title?:
All Your Ace Are Belong to Us

flyE said...

So then the waitress says, "I'll put you all in..."

Anonymous said...

I was looking at the menu at this hooters and it said "cheese sandwich: $1 , handjob $10" I asked the buxom waitress, "are you the one that gives the handjobs?" When she replied in the affirmative, I said, "well wash yo hands, bitch, and go make me a cheese sammich."

gonna hafta turn off anon comments before the spam gets here.